Jimmy Carter Rushed to Hospital for Tummy Problems as Newspapers Prepare Obits


No, people: Jimmy Carter is not dead.

Despite reports that The Johnny Cash of Presidents was being rushed to the hospital and the speculation that naturally follows of whether or not he’s GOING TO DIE — which happens every time a former president goes to a hospital — President Carter will never not be a southern boy, and he ain’t going out like no pussy. This guy just got back from North Korea! He has a Nobel Peace Prize. You think a noisy tummy’s gonna take him out? Via a Yahoo/AP report:

Jackie Mayo, a spokeswoman at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport, says the 85-year-old former president was a passenger on a Delta flight to Cleveland late Tuesday morning and became ill. She says he was taken off a plane by rescue crews. He was taken to MetroHealth Hospital, where the Carter Center says he is resting comfortably.

Think again. Also, one of the perks of being president is that you never get “taken” to the hospital, you’re always “rushed.” Also, every time you sneeze, people think you’re dying. Turns out there are a few perks to the gig.