Here’s how to make your Wednesday better, with free beer, in five easy steps, while benefiting corporate interests in the process:
1. Go to the Budweiser page, and enter your age. If you’re under 21 — not that we endorse drinking — but it won’t work unless you enter an age that’s 21 or older. Try that! See if it works.
2. Let the Budweiser page whisk you away to Facebook, where you will give their Facebook App crazy privacy-violating permission to enter your life and try to make a Budweiser drinker out of you, not that you’re not already on Facebook and haven’t had your privacy violated enough as it is.
3. Pick the friends you want to invite to your “Budweiser Happy Hour” party with Budweiser tonight, and spam them with invites.
4. Eventually, it will tell you and your friends where to go to drink free Budweiser in your area tonight. Congratulations, you were just a willing participant in a skeezy marketing campaign, but at least you might get drunk. The other option is to friend a bunch of people who don’t drink, invite them, somehow convince them to show up to the bar, stand there with you as you collect your free beers, and then kick them out of the so you can drink by yourself, you decrepit creep.
5. Fall down in the street screaming WAAAAZZZZAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
For the record, via Brooklyn 365:
Budweiser dropped from 16th in consumer loyalty in 2003, to 220th in 2010, contributing to a 9% decrease in sales over the past year. I’m no mathamagician here but that’s a pretty dismal figure and not a sustainable business model. This is probably karma’s way of telling [Budwiser owners] the Brazilian company InBev that they shouldn’t have effed with the all-American brand.
And yet, they might have figured out the All-American Way: While you can’t get something for nothing, surely, a company can use the cover of social media to further inform their market research by taking advantage of a platform you’ve already let take advantage of your information (and now, your friends). In exchange, you get drunk. Kinda. That said, sadly to Facebook’s loss, this will make absolutely nobody forget that The Social Network comes out on Friday, no matter how drunk they get tonight.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on September 29, 2010