Parker/Spitzer, the biggest thing to happen to CNN since Larry King farted on Octomom, is finally here. Our former governor Eliot Spitzer and his foil, the saucy Putlizer-prize winning conservative columnist, Kathleen Parker, are about to go on the air.
8:55 PM: Max Read wins the night:
8:53 PM: They are now asking everyone about their guilty pleasures. What? What? Eliot Spitzer’s is “Nascar.” As is ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU NOT THINK OF PROSTITUTES.
8:45 PM: A bunch of people are now sitting at the table, Blodget, some nice Jewish boy who smiles, some cute tech girl who ate a bunch of wings, some other guy. Gawker’s Max Read puts it quite well:
8:43 PM: Blodget is off the show after…six minutes? This is insane! Joe notes, next to me: “He didn’t even have time to embarrass himself.”
8:37 PM: Henry Blodget — the disgraced former analyst who Spitzer took down, who now runs Business Insider — is now on the show. At least they cast the first episode well. Spitzer’s first question: “Is this weird for you?” Well, it is now. Parker went missing! This is Eliot’s segment called “Unfinished Business” where he has people on his show who he once went after in office. Again, welcome to CNN’s Twilight Zone.
8:26 PM: West Wing showrunner and The Social Network screenwriter Aaron Sokin is on! They played the “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!” clip from A Few Good Men to introduce him. Sorkin sounds nasally, but he sounds articulate. Less articulate than Spitzer and Parker sound — who, incidentally, are coming off like Sorkin characters in their own right — but for 8PM news, smart and captivating no less. Sorkin calls Palin stupid and then “jaw-droppingly incompetent and mean.” He’s not wrong! Also, kinda wish they introduced him as “ex-boyfriend of Maureen Dowd and known crack smoker Aaron Sorkin.”
8:23 PM: Almost at the half-way point, and a lot of people on Twitter seem to think Brietbart wasn’t worth the strike against the show’s credibility on Opening Night. Also, the pacing — again, lightening fast — is awkward. This is the 8PM News Show for Kids With ADD. At this pace, it’ll make great background noise, but it’s not engaging if you don’t want to be watching.
8:22 PM: Elizabeth Warren is an engaging presence, but generally boring. Her hosts like her too much to really batter her.
8:17 PM: Spitzer’s buddy Elizabeth Warren — who many thought was a no-brainer for the job-to-be of other Spitzer buddy, Elena Kagan — is on, now. Spitzer’s grilling her about her new job as to whether or not she’s going to have any authority in her job at the Consumer Protection Agency. She’s playing the president’s talking points, talking about the “tools” she’s been given. Spitzer is avoiding using the word “tool.”
8:14 PM: SPITZER WHIPS OUT SHERROD! Breitbart offers that he can’t explain the entire thing at the end of a show, says that it was a context issues, offers nothing from him we haven’t heard before. And then, the segment’s over. The show’s pacing is rocket-fast, but is this going to allow for any in-depth exploration of issues or subjects the show wants to tackle?
8:10 PM: More Twilight Zone madness. Spitzer just went to bat for the “grassroots” politics of the tea party, and Breitbart just dissed the Tea Party by balking at the prospect of a 2012 Tea Party Presidential candidate: “Well, I hope not.” Greg Mitchell of The Nation saw Breitbart — responsible for the sliming of Shirley Sherrod, of which no mention has yet been made — and changed the channel.
8:07: Who the hell is Thomas Frank? More importantly, Andrew Breitbart is on their first show? And he’s referencing “New Coke,” and he doesn’t sound like a psychopath?
8:05: Kathleen Parker calls Sarah Palin her “favorite politician,” but then goes on to note that Palin often feels “coy” which she notes, can often be dishonest. She makes a joke about Sarah Palin growing figurative legs, and Spitzer scoffs (he’s seen better). Eliot Spitzer: “I will not defend Sarah Palin on the substance of anything,” and then goes on to question the standard of fairness Parker judges Palin on. Parker is absurdly charming, but is getting a little overpowered by Spitzer. That said, this is already great TV.
8:03 PM: Eliot Spitzer brings out the hammer, which incidentally, isn’t his penis: “Fire Tim Geithner!” he starts out. He’s fast, he’s confident, he’s sounds great, and looks like he’s having fun.
8:00 PM: Jazzy music!
7:59 PM: The first guest on Parker/Spitzer is Henry Blodget, the disgraced former Wall Street analyst currently running Business Insider that Spitzer put away. This should be fun.