It’s been a while since our last horrifying footwear roundup, but it seems an urgent situation has arisen. People are wearing five-fingered shoes — those running shoes that make purist assholes who run look like their toes are fingers — around office buildings, on the subway, all over town. When not even running! Furthermore, the perpetrators of this crime aren’t even athletic.
We tweeted about the sight this morning as we ventured into our own office building, which had not to our knowledge been violated by the five-fingered beast prior to today. [Shiver.] Imagine our horror when we saw your average 50-something Boomer standing there waiting for the elevator just like an otherwise normal human, in pants, an inoffensive if uncreative polo, and…lord have mercy, those shoes.
The folks at Gothamist picked up our tweet o’ horror, paired it with a couple from former SNL-er Jenny Slate, and ran with it (in normal shoes, please), and Christ almighty, this is happening.
People. Wearing these things to visit even, say, Foursquare is just. not. okay. Worse than Crocs, even.
In case it wasn’t abundantly clear: You will never get laid in these.