You may not have realized that carrots and apples were in desperate need of a spokesperson, but oh, they are. And not just any shill, but one who’s given the world and its waistlines Cheesy Ham and Banana Casserole and Deep-Fried Mac and Cheese. Yes, our nation’s aversion to things that grow in the ground has apparently gotten so bad that Paula Deen is now hawking her own line of produce.
In an interview with the Richmond Times-Dispatch, Deen announced that she’s been working with farmers and food producers to design her own line of fresh fruits and vegetables, which she described as “a dream solution for young mothers.”
While any effort to get people to eat fresh vegetables should be applauded, what, exactly, will make Paula Deen broccoli more superior to regular, non-Paula Deen broccoli? Will children really be any more excited to eat spinach festooned with Deen’s frozen rictus than greens that aren’t personally endorsed by America’s most outspoken butter evangelist?
Time will tell, but in the meantime, we do know that fruits and vegetables are just the latest products that Deen, a product-line whore if ever there was one, has slapped her name on. There’s already the furniture; the sauces, preserves, and cake mixes; the superfluous kitchen products; the magazine; the mattresses; and, of course, the ham. Oh, and the key chains.
That said, Deen isn’t navigating uncharted territory: Two years ago, Disney began selling its own brand of vegetables, and SpongeBob has also been used to open the minds and mouths of children to spinach. Like those before her, Deen knows the importance of branding, and that nothing tastes as good as money in the bank feels.