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Longer-Lasting: Spitzer’s Dong or Spitzer’s Cable Show? | Village Voice


Longer-Lasting: Spitzer’s Dong or Spitzer’s Cable Show?


Page Six may have lost their longtime skipper Richard Johnson, but they are still throwing some heat. Today’s column has a great item about one of New York’s most infamous dicks, (the one attached to) Eliot Spitzer.

Irma Nici — who is claiming to have had sex with former New York governor Eliot Spitzer for money, and also claimed to have had sex with David Beckham (who’s suing her on the grounds of libel for the claims) — is now talking about Spitzer’s bedside habits. Besides continuing to propagate the bullshit rumor about The Black Socks, there’s also a matter of virility at hand:

She tells Page Six, “It was 45 minutes at most, and that would include undressing.” She also said the ex-governor didn’t always wear his infamous black socks during sex. “Sometimes he would come over in jeans, a baseball cap and white gym socks,” she said. “He would hardly undress, he would keep the hat and the socks on and just go.”

Technically, that is longer than Parker Spitzer — if you count commercials, I think — and it would probably seem longer than Parker Spitzer, but then again this blogger personally does not see the appeal in having sex with Eliot Spitzer (pause). And if 45 minutes is indeed fast for the conditions provided, that’s quite the business-like demeanor, no? No wasting time! Hey, lady, it’s not like he was paying to get you off. That said, if it was, it might be considered a little spendthrift-y, as he was probably paying by the hour, but given that there was probably a two-hour minimum (not that we’re entirely familiar with these matters…), it was likely best for all parties involved, because who could stand to spend two hours in a room with someone who won’t stop talking about having sex with David Beckham? Unless she’s well-versed in John Kenneth Galbraith’s A Short History of Financial Euphoria, I can’t imagine he’d want her to stick around for the conversation, you know?

Anyway, the point is, Eliot Spitzer’s sex with a prostitute may (or may not) have lasted longer (with commercials) than his television show, and either way, Parker Spitzer moves at a pace that certainly feels shorter than the supposed length of time it took him to have sex with a prostitute, though that’s much more a pacing issue than an testament to quality, an issue that — if not fixed — will soon result in the show’s demise. The legends of Spitzer’s wang, however, will apparently live on regardless.

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