This news account (complete with the requisite spooky UFO track) about “Mysterious Lights Over East El Paso,” attempts to connect weird but probably completely explainable sightings in the El Paso sky to weird but probably completely explainable sightings (or, engagement party balloons) over Chelsea last week in New York.
Cue Twilight Zoney music — doo-doo-doo — and a narration fraught with dramatic pauses:
“You want to get really creepy? Check this video out. Just two days ago in the sky above Manhattan people froze in the street there as they saw these three lights hovering in the middle of the day…”
JUST LIKE IN EL PASO.
Or not so eerie. El Paso airport spokewoman said that air-show planes were running through maneuvers, but didn’t know exactly which crews were doing that. Mysterious.
Best part is in the end, when the newscasters make a joke about New Yorkers being “too rude” and therefore driving our UFOs westward. That’s right, Texans, go ahead, make fun of us. UFOs are soooo last season now anyway.
Kind, gentle alien beings, if you’re reading this, no hard feelings?