Groucho Marx once said that he’d never want to be in any club that’d have him as a member. But what of those that don’t? Just ask Eliot Spitzer, who the New York Times gets dishy on, revealing that the former governor of New York was rejected from The Harvard Club, his alma mater’s cushy — and apparently crusty — midtown den. That’s okay, because we’ve got a list of 25 Clubs both better than the Harvard Club and welcoming (if not welcome to the discussion) of Spitzer amongst their ranks.
25. The Harvard Law School Tennis Club.
24. The Eliot Spitzer Fan Club (MySpace Edition).
23. The Emperor’s Club (Poor Man’s Dead Poets Society Edition).
22. The Explorers Club.
21. “Da” Club.
20. The Boys and Girls Club of America.
19. Any number of San Fransisco Cannabis Clubs.
18. The Mile-High Club.
17. Club Monaco.
16. A Club Sandwich.
15. Jay-Z’s 40/40 Club.
14. The Babysitter’s Club [Application Pending].
13. The Penthouse Executive Club.
12. The Sierra Club.
11. Club Penguin, which I’m already a member of.
10. Fight Club.
9. The American Kennel Club. Some critics think you’re a “dog”? You show them what a goddamn dog you are.
8. The Mickey Mouse Club (circa 1994).
7. Sam’s Club.
6. The Bowery Poetry Club.
5. The Emperor’s Club, (Pricey Hookers Edition).
4. The Onion A.V. Club.
3. Oprah’s Book Club.
2. The Eliot Spitzer Fan Club (Facebook Editon).
1. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club.
I once went to a Bat Mitzvah party there, and it sucks. It’s nothing special. I guess it’s a nice place to have a drink? But not even that. There are classier places that are filled with less assholes. And speaking of which, come off it, brats: The Harvard Club has more crooks, whores, and criminal activity among its ranks who probably still fear Spitzer’s fearless prosecutorial side out of trauma more than they shun him. Some of those people make Spitzer’s actions look downright patriotic in comparison. He’s better off. Fuck the Harvard Club.