News & Politics

Things I Want for Hanukkah: Bernie Madoff’s Desk, Maybe His Piano, Too


Between the Sing-A-Ma-Jigs, the Squinkies, the new Macbook AirCrisp, and the Obamarator, it’s going to be tough figuring out what to put on the Hannukkah/Christmas/Festivus/Kwanzaa/December-Holiday-of-Choice-Built-Around-Animalistic-Consumerism wishlist.

But it looks like we’ve found the perfect gift…

….for me. Via Jessica Pressler at Daily Intel, it looks like some of Bernie Madoff’s old gear is hitting the auction block. And look at this bad boy:


It’s like owning a piece of the Batcave! Or the financial crisis! This desk is where The Worst Thing For The Jews Since Tay-Sachs Disease incubated on a day-to-day basis for a number of years! It shines of power. [“MYYYY PRRREEEECCCIOUSSS,” etc.] And it can be yours to give to me on November 13 at the lovely Sheraton New York Hotel & Towers in Midtown Manhattan, when the final auction of Ruth and Bernie Madoff will happen. Other shit of theirs you can buy?

Bernie’s slippers:

Bernie’s awesome statue of a bull, likely representing his “bullish” stance on swindling people out of their life’s savings:

Bernie’s awesome piano that he used to play “Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters” on over and over and over and over and over again:

There’s also a pretty fugly ring that likely used to belong to Ruthie, which I do not want.

That is all.

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