As everyone gasps in shock, clucks “how could he?”, and professes their most earnest hopes that he gets help while secretly loving the big, drunken, drugged, (allegedly) woman-beating/hooker-seeking/room-trashing mess that is Charlie Sheen, we’re going to go out on a limb here and say it. Not so impressive, dude.
None of it, of course, is that impressive. But in particular, we’d like to address the room-trashing. Look, we’ve grown up in the era of the well-trashed room. When we heard $7,000 damage had been incurred, we were…intrigued. When we heard Sheen was wasted and possibly coked up, plus stark-naked, we thought — Wow. This is gonna be good. In the worst way, of course.
But TMZ’s photos of “The Hotel Carnage”(!) are, frankly, kinda lame. Despite the reports of “blood stains” and “primal screaming” all we get are some pillows in disarray (oh dear!) and an ugly-fancy upended, maybe broken, chair. The blood stains, which you can’t even see, were apparently from Sheen cutting his toe on some glass. Yawn.
If this hadn’t been a suite at the Plaza (attached to the recently remodeled uberswank kid-haunt the Eloise suite) but was instead a (former) fleabag squat on the Bowery, the damage in dollars would have been negligible.
Which is to say, next time, save the bucks, Charlie, and go budget if you’re going to want to do damage. If we’re going to have to get this worked up, we expect a TV to be tossed out a window, at least. (When no one is walking beneath — no collateral damage, please.)
According to the Post, Sheen texted a RadarOnline.com editor, “Oh my man, I’m fine,” and that “The story is totally overblown and overplayed as far as the reality of the scenario.” (Blown. Tee hee.)
As far as the room-trashing goes, we find ourselves in agreement. This is room-trashing.