Well, this is complicated. See, one time, allegedly, Christine O’Donnell hooked up with a guy (maybe even pursued him in a “cougar-like” fashion, aggressively, and without even being waxed), and now he’s come out with the dirty details. To Gawker. And while pretty much everything Christine O’Donnell says and does leaves us with a rather rancid mouth-feeling (or maybe that’s just what we drank last night), this actually makes us feel…sorry for her.
Thanks, Gawker, for that.
In case you need a recap: Three years ago, apparently, on a Halloween night, O’Donnell took to the streets with her sexy ladybug costume and a friend, and ended up at the door of a 25-year-old Philly dude who “barely” knew her. As he recounts the tale to Gawker, she and her friend went to the guy’s apartment to change into their costumes, and then proceeded to pressure him and his roommate into a fun night on the town.
While the polite young fellow had been planning to stay home and had a big day at the work the next day, O’Donnell would not take no for an answer and even suggested costume ideas (cokehead by way of coke-box-on-head, by the way, is sort of an awesome idea). Little did he know that he’d soon be fending off advances like hand-grabs, kisses, and confessions that she’d “set her sights on me from the beginning.” Men hate that.
Adding to this guy’s douchery is this:
I won’t get into the nitty gritty details of what happened between the sheets that evening. But I will say that it wasn’t half as exciting as I’d been hoping it would be. Christine was a decent kisser, but as soon as soon as her clothes came off and she was naked in my bed, Christine informed me that she was a virgin.
“You’ve got to be kidding,” I said. She didn’t explain at the time that she was a “born-again virgin.” She made it seem like she’d never had sex in her life, which seemed pretty improbable for a woman her age. And she made it clear that she was planning on staying a virgin that night. But there were signs that she wasn’t very experienced sexually. When her underwear came off, I immediately noticed that the waxing trend had completely passed her by.
Obviously, that was a big turnoff, and I quickly lost interest.
And then, after she (finally) left the next day…
She didn’t take a hint and emailed or called a few more times over the next couple of weeks before I was forced to make it clear to her that I wasn’t interested.
His signoff to the whole sordid tale:
God, I hope the same thing doesn’t happen next week.
The plight of the single lady feels your pain, Christine. In fact, this may be our first actual “I’m you” moment. Men…please, be men. You don’t have to love us, or even marry us. But don’t spread this kind of vile shit about a woman who, ostensibly, liked you enough to actually go home with you under the guise of some sort of “public service.” We know who you’re serving here. (That goes for you, too, Gawker.)
As for the writer of the tale, well, you’re lucky you’re anonymous, because when people find out who you are, you’re going to have a damn hard time getting laid. Enjoy your 15 minutes.
Now, everybody else: Please read Foster’s “exclusive,” if you haven’t already, because it is hilarity in a bowl of dicks.