Ack, Halloween is on Sunday! Which means if you’re even remotely socially astute, you need a costume for Saturday. And today, in case you’re not fully there, is Friday. Which means, oh, crap, the last-minute Halloween costume rush. Why does this always happen, and what can you make from simple things found easily around your very own home?
Relax, we have you covered. (By the way, no one is saying these aren’t lame.) Beggars can’t be choosers. If they could, we’d be them for Halloween.
10. The sexy “sexy.”
Just like you, only sexier. Stuff the bra and butt, wear your highest high heels, paint on Situation abs, prance around mercilessly in Right Said Fred mode. Or wear what you normally would, but just call yourself “sexy sexy” — because that’s funny. And that’s what Halloween is all about.
9. The name-tag cop-out.
Got one? Fill it out. Slap it on your shirt. It’s not pretty, or even remotely creative, but it’s done. At least choose a fancy name like “Napoleon Bonaparte” or “Charlie Sheen.” And write it using calligraphy. That counts.
Put the paper sleeve that comes over the top of your freshly pressed shirts over your own neck. Wrap yourself in the plastic bag. Attach hanger to neck. Avoid falling down. And suffocation.
7. The Christine O’Donnell “cokehead”
Empty box that soda came in. Put in on your head, where it will shield your eyes from a Gawker exclusive. Trick or treat. You can also do this with “pot,” if that’s more your speed.
Massengill labels taped to large garbage bag. Voila. Insta-douchery.
5. Chick magnet
Do you have Peeps? Can you acquire them? Affix them to another large garbage bag. Look winsome. Don’t use real baby chickens; that’s mean, and they squirm too much. In a pinch, cut out pictures of ducks from some magazine with ducks in it.
4. Zombie hipster
Dress as usual. Top with coonskin cap or fedora, depending on your preferred brand of “hipster.” Walk around and mutter “brains” a lot. Look bored.
3. Old-fashioned ghost.
Just you and a sheet. Sweet. Also, this solves that problem of making it to bed after too many glasses of Pinot Grigio.
2. Antoine Dodson’s sister
Ever since her brother emerged, she’s really gotten no air time. Which means, no one knows what she looks like, anyway! Dress comfortably: T-shirt, jeans, sneakers, fair game. Or you could go as the actual bed intruder. Since no one knows what he looks like, either. Or, #3.
The ultimate in simplicity and ease. And! It doubles as the Bluefly Girl costume.