Reason #607 that you’re pretty damn euphoric you live in New York City: Nobody fucks miniature horses. Miniature horses are far too scarce, and, frankly, why bother with them at all when there are all these people around? But in a certain small town in Alabama that’s really quite close to Mississippi (and whose 8,500-some non-horse-sexing citizens are surely now mortified):
Eric Steven Easley was busted over the weekend after authorities discovered evidence suggesting he sexually abused a miniature horse. His wallet was found near the female animal, who was discovered with her tail tied to a post after police were called to a breeding facility that specializes in the pint-sized horses.
The wallet allegedly contained the 27-year-old driver’s license and Social Security card, police said.
Even more awkward,
Easley was later arrested and charged with killing or disabling livestock, the only available felony since local sex abuse laws do not include bestiality.
Hide your kids, hide your wives, hide your horses.
Full disclosure: This blogger spent her formative years in a very nice town in Alabama where horse-fucking did not take place. So far as she knows.