Whoops! Looks like the guy they tried to replace the now-suspended Keith Olbermann with tonight isn’t going to be clocking in at MSNBC tonight because we noticed he — like Olbermann — doesn’t meet MSNBC’s supposed “standards” (that John Cook at Gawker just found out might not be getting any kind of correct interpretive treatment by MSNBC to begin with, which is hysterical). As such, we’ve decided to go out on a limb, and try to help MSNBC with staffing up tonight’s show with five potential candidates:
5. Former Jets sideline reporter Jenn Sterger.
4. This puppy, who we will tentatively name Col. Cuddleface Magoo. Come on, Countdown with Col. Cuddleface Magoo really has a great ring to it.
3. Brian Stelter and Bill Carter at the New York Times. They’re as good a spokesperson for the network as anyone right now.
2. Randy Moss.
1. Keith Olbermann’s rival, Mediaite owner Dan Abrams, which would just be funny, especially considering…oh, no, wait. Never mind.
1-B. Lil’ Wayne. Charismatic, obviously has strong views, just became available, long Rolodex to call friends with, and able to speak at length about issues pertaining to the matter of the day. Only conflict MSNBC would have a problem with is maybe that he’s given a little too much (young) money to the “Sizzurp” lobby. Otherwise, there’s potential, here. Just sayin’.