The CIA Isn’t Cool with CIA Agents Talking to The Press


Imagine being a super-secret spy for the CIA and having something you think is in the best interests of the American people that you know, that they don’t. What to do? Call a reporter! Looks like the CIA isn’t too cool with this kind of thing.

Jeff Stein at the Washington Post reports that CIA Director Leon Panetta is pissed. Specifically, he is pissed about press leaks:

“When information about our intelligence, our people, or our operations appears in the media, it does incredible damage to our nation’s security and our ability to do our job of protecting the nation,” Panetta’s agency-wide message said. “More importantly, it could jeopardize lives. For this reason, such leaks cannot be tolerated.”

And by “cannot be tolerated” he means “we will make your ass disappear faster than that pizza we got for the office that one night we all stayed late.” Of course, some people — like many people who aren’t the CIA, and probably a few who are — think certain leaks are inherently good, but those people will probably be made to disappear, too. In many cases, it almost feels as if Panetta is going after the press themselves!

That said, we’ve got an announcement to make: a source within the CIA recently revealed to The Village Voice and that a massive umbrella conspiracy enveloping every branch of government, the drug trade of most South American nations, and the fourth decedent of the horse from Mr. Ed has finally been uncovered as a compl