Your Thursday Evening Recap: Squirrel Hits Wall


Today in news that seems to indicate the world is slowly continuing to cycle on its axis of crazy — which is reassuring, really:

• Dick van Dyke was (allegedly) rescued by a group of friendly porpoises after falling asleep on his surfboard in the middle of the ocean. The man is officially his own folk tale.

• The poor, hungry people finally got off of that ill-fated Carnival Cruise SHIP OF HORRORS with only their memories of cold showers, dank toilets, “no room service!” and mayo sandwiches…which they can now totally make at home if they ever want to relive the experience. (We’re thinking it’s time for another Norah Ephron-esque memoir/recipe book. Except smelly.)

• Betty White became an honorary forest ranger and got to hug Smokey Bear, who probably liked it. What, she’s a hottie!

• Camel decided to make cigarettes really, really cool to combat that crap the FDA is pulling, and created the only cigarette packaging that alleged and/or actual “hipsters” will actually never, ever be caught dead with. (Camel marketing, give us a ring if you ever want to brainstorm ideas.)

• The New York Times dedicated almost 1,000 words to an article about how cats drink. “The answer is: very elegantly, and not at all the way you might suppose.” Seriously.

And then there’s this. Yep, that’s sort of how we feel, too.

Go out and enjoy some Four Loko (while you still can!), but don’t tell anyone we said that. Also, stay away from our neighborhood. We’ll talk to you tomorrow.