Man Forced to Eat Own Beard. Also: Beards Are Edible.


Here’s something you don’t hear every day, thank God. Kentuckians Harvey Westmoreland and his brother Joseph used to be friends with Troy Holt and James Hill…until the two opposing camps got into a fight over a potential lawnmower sale. Holt offered $250; Westmoreland bought it for $20, which led to allegations of price gouging, somehow. Drunk fighting ensued, and then came the knives, guns, and everything going haywire.

Poetically, Holt and Hill cut off Westmoreland’s beard and forced him to eat it at knifepoint, before threatening him with death if he called the police. Which he did. He is now growing his beard back.

This is the most amazing local news story ever.

Luckily for Westmoreland, human hair contains amino acids, which, if you recall from fourth grade science, are “the building blocks of proteins.” So, in a way, this was healthy. Although, in fairness, we don’t know if he actually swallowed, or simply held the hairs in his mouth until he could spit them out in safety. Okay, who’s ready for lunch?

Previously: “Years of Alabama Stereotypes Given Renewed Life With One Mini-Horse Fuck”