There are many, many problems with this pro-abstinence and, yet, also pro-condom public service announcement, for which we can thank the Situation, Bristol Palin, the Americans who watch Dancing With the Stars, the Candie’s Foundation, and the devil. This is precisely the sort of televised experience that will have our nation’s teens turning to carnal pleasures for escape instead of sitting idly by while this happens. Among its sins…
1. Someone who shall not be named but should be fired put Bristol in a mock-turtleneck-leotard-figure-skating-doily confection. Where is her neck? Tyra, Stacy London, anyone…please intervene stat.
2. Utterances utilizing the root word “situation” number no less than 17 times. Maybe more, but we stopped being able to count while watching.
3. The PSA itself is 1:45, which in itself makes it unwatchable. Unless you’re paid to do so, in which case you will watch it between five and seven times and then have nightmares about it for three and a half weeks, give or take.
4. Naughty-but-nice nicknames bandied about include “the Sitch” and “B. Palin.” Yet, the two don’t even have sex during the commercial! Bo-rrring.
5. Irreparable logic flaws inherent to the message include the notion that a second child would cause B. Palin additional problems (where were her “first” problems? She’s on Dancing With the Stars!), and that anyone actually, in real life, wants to have sex with the Situation.
In pluses: B. Palin’s hair looks really nice from the back. And it seems like “the Sitch” may have gotten a manicure for this role. Classy.