Four Loko is now banned in New York, and upon learning that it would be banned nationwide, the company behind said candy-crack like boozejuice decided to change the recipe to exclude the most compelling component of it, caffine. That won’t stop us from making a game out of getting the best out of it. Presenting:
HUNGRY HUNGRY LOKOS. It is the “Bros Icing Bros” of the season, and yet, so much better.
Here’s how to play.
YOU WILL NEED:
1. The game is played almost exactly like Bros Icing Bros. But without the exclusionary “Bro” nonsense — this game is for irresponsible drinkers of all stripes — and a twist!
2. The Variations.
3. The FIVE LOKO Rule.
See, now that Four Loko has taken out all the caffeine in their product — which will take a while to implement — there are what we will refer to as THE FIVE LOKOS (or soon-to-be-extinct cans of Four Loko with caffeine in them) floating around. The FIVE LOKOS are the key to this game.
If presented with a can of FIVE LOKO — Four Loko with the caffine — you may not block it with a normal can of Four Loko. You must drink it. Your only retaliatory acts are to:
(A) “Counter” with your own can of Five Loko. If this actually happens, nobody drinks, because this moment is too special to be that drunk for, and your can must be preserved for someone far more unsuspecting. Or
(B) “Counter” with a can of Four Loko and a Five Hour Boost. In which case, you both must drink each other’s terrible concoctions.
(C) “Counter” with a rock of crack cocaine. Yeah, crack. In which case, you’re on a bender and you already won. [Note: Adderall is a perfectly acceptable substitute in the event you find yourself averse to the nuanced tastes of crack cocaine.]
4. How to Win.
Don’t forget to submit your pictures of you and your friends getting “Loko” here. Now, go (GET LOKO) with god. Vaya con Lokos.
*We don’t encourage you to play this game. We just wanted to put it out there. I imagine our lawyers would want me to say something like that. Also, if we’ve taken any advertising money from Four Loko, I sure as hell don’t know about it. Finally, if you come across the Watermelon “Five Loko,” you might want to hang on to it, as it could be worth something one day. Just sayin’.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on November 17, 2010