By God, today is full of sexy! There’s People’s annual “Sexiest Man Alive” countdown, of course. And Salon’s “Men on Top” answer to it. Not to mention the pretending-to-be-less-shallow Daily Beast offering, “Sexiest Man Alive (On the Inside).” You know who’s sexy on the inside? No one. That’s why we celebrate people’s outsides!
But all this sexy talk got us thinking. Why categorize the sexiness of actors and models and the occasional porn star/politician when those people are paid to be sexy, and just keep getting recycled in these lists? What about honoring the day-to-day sexy that’s RIGHT IN FRONT OF US?
Here are 25 sexy things that we would like to take this special moment in sexy history to celebrate.
25. When you’re walking to work and it’s really windy and your hair is blowing in the wind just so…and you know it’s really sexy and not only sexy but shiny. And you didn’t even have to hire one of those wind machines!
24. The Chrysler building. Three words: “120-foot spire.”
23. Strong, independent, intelligent women who only read People for the great “human-interest” stories.
22. Fall foliage. For its alliteration, the sound the leaves make when we stomp through them on our way to partake in sexy adventures, and the brief, beautiful nature of physical love. And for leaf-blowers.
21. The word “sexy.” Overused, perhaps, but it nonetheless manages to achieve a simple elegance in a four-letter package. The inclusion of the “x” adds an element of surprise, so important to anything lest it become old and humdrum. Added bonus: Appending “sexy” to headlines is never an SEO-fail. SEXY!
20. Lunch. Is it time yet? It would be especially sexy if you ordered us something.
19. NY1’s Pat Kiernan. Wise, reliable, able to read…plus, does his own hair and makeup!
18. Hot sauce. So much better than Ryan Whats-his-name.
17. Innuendo, followed closely by directness. Innu-erectness is not sexy, however. 16.An extremely dense endochrine meds textbook. On the subway.
15. A full-bearded man. Especially one who’s really lived.
14. Meeting someone for the first or maybe even second time and realizing you might actually sort of like him or her. Really! (We’re shocked, too.)
13. Commenters, both good and bad. Like good and bad sex, and good and bad pizza, they all have a place in life, if only to remind you of the difference therein. And as fodder for your blog.
12. Pangaea. Remember when all the continents were, like, one? That was hot.
11.The Smoking Baby. Sure, he’s technically kind of famous, and only two, but how cool is it that he managed to quit? Props to our little man!
10. That person who bought us drinks that one time. Thanks, and sorry we had to run out like that.
9. The new airport security pat-downs — more physically gratifying than ever!
7. Chapstick. Because chap is never sexy.
7. Kate Middleton‘s wedding dress. (Oops, sorry, wrong list!)
6. YouTube videos featuring silly animals that make us laugh. (Clarification: the laughter inspired is what’s sexy, not the animals portrayed.)
5. The man or woman who has stockpiled the most Four Lokos (with caffeine!) by December 10. Be prepared to give evidence.
4. Red wine on a cold winter’s night. White wine, whenever. It’s pretty much just water anyway, and hydration is sexy. Any women’s magazine will tell you that.
3. Publishing something besides a “sexy list” — like, perhaps, news — to promote whatever magazine you are trying to sell this particular month. Caveat Emptor!
2. LATIN. Only to be trumped by pig Latin. Which can only be trumped by an Italian, French, or really good Rasta accent.
1. Turducken. Because a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey is pretty much the triple threat of sexy. Take that, J.Lo.
And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.