For years, every hustler I know has been frantically wondering, “What does the Pope feel about condom use? I think he’s, like, against it, right? I will only do what he says. He’s the one I turn to for sexual wisdom, after all.”
As they’ve fucked, sucked, fisted, rimmed, and felched, many an escort has been known to look heavenward to try and fathom exactly what Pope Benedict might want them to do regarding scumbags.
And now that his royal eminence concedes that condoms might be useful for these people, they’re all flocking to church (while staying on their knees) to pick up the free condoms and the official blessing from their clients, the priests.
Some are even forgetting about their hourly rates because they feel so sanctified by the pope’s sage advice that they feel like enchanted creatures of God, spreading their butt cheeks for the lord and all his glory.
It’s ‘ho-llelujah time.
The Pope is so on top of 30-year-old trends!
But wait a minute! If these guys don’t charge, then they’re not really prostitutes after all, and according to the Pope, they shouldn’t wear condoms. Waa.