10 Things We Do On the Subway


In between missing connections (literally and figuratively) and going without pants, we do plenty of other stuff on the subway. Of course we do…spending an hour or more a day there on average, it’s inevitable. But what do we do, exactly? A graph we saw this morning (after the jump), reminded us of a few of the things. We added 10 more.

see more Funny Graphs

This New-York-centric graph was featured on GraphJam, one of the viral websites by the folks who brought you I Can Has CheezBurger. After giggling at it a little, we realized we wanted more! So…here are 10 other things we do on the subway. Feel free to pipe up with your own.

10. Yell at people showing us their dongs.

9. Try to tune out mariachi band/ranting crazy person/kid selling candy bars for “his basketball team”/man asking for donations for the homeless/subway garble that tells us this is an F train running on the B line, whatever that means.

8. When particularly nauseated, make eye contact with person with mole with extra-long hair growing from it, and the bucket of raw fish he/she is holding. Can’t help self. Look again.

7. Have extreme subway pole dancing fantasies. Also, remember subway butt-pole girl. Chuckle inwardly. Stop when psycho killer across the way notices and fixes his stare on us.

6. Think about our annoying friends who are constantly reminding us how many germs are on that very pole. Wonder if anyone actually buys those subway gripper handles and how far our street cred would plummet if we actually used one.

5. Watch drunk NYU freshman re-enact that scene from Rent, just like they always dreamed about in Kansas. Think about how a song from Rent is now being used in a commercial for — gah — Macy’s. Sigh.

4. Fear bedbugs.

3. Reassure tourists on the N that they really will find great fake shwag at Canal Street. Really! Also, Canal Street is the same as Coney Island, just like Avenue of the Americas is Sixth Avenue. Really!

2. Let people fall asleep on us for two seconds only so that when we finally push them off, they really freak.

1. Relish in the fact that it only took us $2.25 to get where we wanted. Hate on the MTA, but that’s still cheaper than your average slice of pizza. #11: Think about pizza.