F2K10 is a countdown of the 20 worst songs of 2010. Track our progress here.
How to be a rock critic in 2010 in two steps:
1. Use the safety of the internet to laugh and point at people who look and act different than you.
2. When these people hit critical mass, proclaim them “secret geniuses” to mask your childish xenophobia.
Yeah, everyone is trying to pass off grating YouTube novelties as “serious art” right now. See everything from Lil B’s tuneless swag-offs, to Tonetta’s outsider pervert-punk, to the chin-stroking reevaluations of the stupid fucking “Bed Intruder Song.” Seriously, guys, when does “Dramatic Chipmunk” get his turn at Sundance?! The worst of all has been the mercifully brief critical hoopla around Die Antwoord, the shrill, sub-Juggalo rave-rap crew from South Africa. When the viral video “Enter The Ninja” was passed around in January, everyone had a hearty lol at what combined hipsters’ love of unfunny joke-rap (it’s been 30 years, guys, it never gets old!) with hipsters’ love of people with funny accents (holler at me, Engrish.com.) “They have guy in the band with Progeria” became the 2010 version of “50 Cent’s been shot nine times” in that both of these things make them awesome rappers and totally worth your time.
But then a funny thing happened. Indie sites started co-signing them, major labels started taking interest, Diplo gave a seal of approval, and people started treating what was basically an art-school Andy Milonakis routine like a real band. No one seemed to notice or care that the entire thing was a grand hoax for the South African version of a Pratt Student to make a career out of “Pretty Fly For A White Guy” poser-baiting. Luckily by the time the record dropped most critics moved on to laughing at Double Rainbow guy. Die Antwoord promptly began their tumble from being the new Sleigh Bells to being the new William Hung. Rest in peace, most recent reason for rock critics to use the words like “earworms” and “infectious” as a euphemism for “there is literally nothing of substance on this.”
“Orinoco Ninja Flow (Wedding DJ’s Remix)” is part mash-up, part remix and totally fucking unlistenable. Vocoders! The word “motherfucker”! An Enya sample “hilariously” flipped into Robot Chicken-levels of hacky reference “joke”-telling! Rapper Ninja goes into some weird menstruation sex rap that’s mostly WTF and zero LOL, mainly because he can barely ever pick two words that rhyme: “You’re on your period with no tampon?/You kneel down, get with the vibe.” The most embarrassing thing about this is realizing that the Lonely Island guys are like Wu-Tang Clan when put up against these jokers. Sail away, motherfuckers.