One Christmas, a discount store was selling large bottles of Vagisil for two bucks apiece.
Scampishly, I thought, “Those will be amazing gifts for all my friends! It’ll be absolutely hilarious!”
So I scarfed up about a dozen of them, wrapped them up, and handed them out with a big grin.
“Merry Christmas, y’all!”
Well, no one thought it was all that hilarious.
Most people simply tossed the Vagisil to the trash and then went home looking sick.
Clearly, they would have preferred a nice book and a box of candy canes.
Another time, I thought it would be a riot if I got a friend some Munch Bunch raspberry yogurt.
It’s a product that came up in the uproarious British comedy show Little Britain, which we’d both obsessed over, and I knew he’d blow a gasket with joy when opening that package.
After all, I had to convince someone I barely knew who happened to be going to the U.K. to pick up that very specific thing for me and get it home, and miraculously he did just that.
And the reaction? “Thanks.”
That was it.
Not “So funny! So amazing! How’d you get it?” Just “Thanks.”
I would have gladly returned the shit, but I didn’t know anyone going to the U.K. at that point.
Ever bomb with your gifting choices?
Ever think you should stick to socks and chocolates?
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on December 10, 2010