Hark, the Holy Grail of Internet Flirting Has Been Uncovered!


Here it is, men: The words women most want to hear read from you in response to their online dating profiles are not “Hey, how are you?” “Want to meet for coffee (or preferably a drink)?” “I think we might have some things in common!” or even “Would you consider growing out your armpit hair?”* Women need only hear “You have beautiful lips.” Compliment them and they will be yours.

This is according to a survey by dating website, whose director of marketing, Lloyd Price, claims “We have found the Holy Grail of flirting,” reports Reuters.

The methodology for finding said Grail, holy or not, involved analyzing the success rates of opening lines “from nearly 200,000 online flirtations in 11 languages over the course of one month.” ALL of the opening lines studied involved complimenting a woman’s appearance. This makes us sad.

Success rates were determined by whether the recipient responded at all, and then by how many times witty repartee, or any repartee other than cold, desperate silence, ensued.

Other lines that worked:
“You dress beautifully.”
“You have nice legs/hair/skin/ears.”

Apparently, an actual psychologist threw her two cents into the ring and opined that ladies like those mouth comments because they’re “bold” and “personal,” not “wishy-washy,” and apparently less generic than something not customized to each recipient. Huh? Also, because ladies have been obsessed with their lips since before King Tut was in the womb.

“From adolescence onwards, they cosmetically adorn their lips, applying lipstick and colours. They have been doing so since ancient Egypt,” said David Givens, author of the book Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship/man who has figured it all out.

If you take this advice, you deserve to be single forever. And if a woman falls for it, you two deserve each other. For shame.

*Actual opening line from an online dater.