New Year’s 2011: Beware the Many Dangers!


According to scientists, doctors, and people in the know, there are some things you should watch out for this (and every) New Year’s Eve, as well as the day that follows. Certain things are more likely to happen as we shift from one year to the next, wobbling about covered in confetti and shouting. Some of those things could be harmful to your evening, perhaps your entire 2011. Since knowing is half the battle, we will share them.

Drunk walking: “New Year’s is the deadliest day of the year for pedestrians.” Also — you may have heard of it? — drunk driving.

• Getting carjacked: “New Year’s Day is the worst holiday on record for crooks to steal your car.”

• Imbibing fattening holiday drinks: “Popular holiday drinks such as martinis, Irish cream liqueur, eggnog, hot chocolate and rum and Coke are loaded with calories.”

• Imbibing at all: See the myriad and surprising ways that alcohol is bad for you blah blah blah.

Shootin’ guns: “Sometimes people celebrate with gunfire and that puts innocent people at risk.”

• Choking on a noisemaker, or otherwise hurting yourself in an embarrassing fashion.

In addition, and because we’re nothing if not servicey, here are the things that we, in our checkered history of New Year’s Eve celebrations, have found personally to be dangerous and infinitely more likely on that particular evening of the year:

• Drunk falling down. Related: Pulling something.
• Not eating enough prior to the festivities.
• Running out of booze.
• Getting vomited on by self or another, especially if wearing something new and/or sparkly and/or completely white.
• Being taken advantage of.
• Not being “taken advantage of.”
• Finding ourselves suddenly, inexplicably, in Times Square, or at a Hawaiian/Renaissance Faire/WWII-themed party.
• Our feet hurting.
• Sleeping through the event entirely (this could be seen as a positive, so long as it’s not in an inappropriate place, like, underneath the Brooklyn Bridge).
• Not getting a taxi when we finally desperately need to go home but live all the way across town/in another borough/anywhere but underneath the Brooklyn Bridge. Note: Don’t offer a pedi-cab driver $500 in a moment of weakness.
• Choking on a noisemaker, or otherwise hurting ourselves in an embarrassing fashion.
• Crying should any of the above ensue. Ruins the eyes the next day.

There you have it, kids. Use your knowledge…or lose it. Good luck!