Confession: We like crazy people. They make us feel good, warm and cozy, among the like-minded. And sometimes like maybe we’re just the slightest bit “healthier” than they are. Thus, we have a certain special feeling for the following stories, which we loved when they happened…and which stand the test of crazy, crazy time.
• Man forced to eat own beard. Ah, this was a good one. After getting into a drunken dispute over a potential lawnmower sale, Harvey Westmoreland, Kentuckian, was made to endure a beard-cutting by two former pals, who then made him consume his own facial locks at knifepoint, under threat of death. Westmoreland is now growing his beard back.
• Ladies hiding stolen goods in their fat rolls. There is a time and place for everything. The time is when you’re shopping and don’t want pay. The place is your own flesh. Unfortunately, these gals were busted, because we think they had sort of a brilliant idea. “Anything they can open they will put things into.” (Related: Brooklyn teen puts turkey in pants.)
• Pillows that are also companions, friends, and maybe lovers.
• Mel Gibson. Remember all the horrible, racist, disgusting things he ranted about? Remember our chart of them? We do!
• Air conditioner lands on unwitting East Villager. This is one of our worst fears. As is falling on the subway tracks and taking 625 volts to the head. Or deciding you’re going to move and use the subway, and only the subway, to do it. We’re happy to say that all three fellows survived.
• The saga of the smoking baby. Ardi Rizal (or, Aldi Suganda), the 2-year-old Indonesian smoker who puffed like a mini Marlon Brando in his leather bomber jacket, beats Julian Assange and even Antoine Dodson as our very most favorite person of the year. We followed him from his 40-cigarettes a day phase to reporters tracking him down and finding him in the middle of the night, mid French-inhale, and through his inevitable rehab and eventual quitting of the habit. Little man, we wish you the best in 2011.
The rest of you, keep on keepin’ crazy.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on December 30, 2010