Today we face two terrible, awful, cringe-worthy studies about men and their reported sexual dysfunctions. The first comes via the Daily News (kudos on that stock art pick, guys!), which cites research presented at the European Society for Sexual Medicine that determined that some 16% of the men studied “are able to ejaculate but feel none of the pleasure of orgasm.” Oh dear.
“When I asked the test subjects in plain language, ‘Did you feel orgasm [after ejaculating after sex with a woman], 16% of men in our group said they didn’t have sensation of orgasm,” said Dr. Darius Paduch, assistant professor of urology and reproductive medicine at Weill Cornell Medical College. “This is astonishing.”
This is astonishing! This happened in men as young as their 20s, and, as you might expect, was rather upsetting for those so effected. This is because, as Paduch put it, “Men are still faced with self-doubt, fear of being labeled as impotent, inadequate, and just not a full man. You need to remember that regardless if a man is a bricklayer or a president, men value themselves through their sexual performance.”
Got it! Of course, just for the record, only 35% of women, on average, report orgasm after intercourse, not that we’re keeping track, or, er, valuing ourselves through our sexual performance. Moving on…
Via the Hairpin, there’s another man-problem out there, and it’s called POIS, or post-orgasmic illness syndrome, which has actually been in evidence since 2002 but probably not talked about much in the open because, you know, “regardless if a man is a bricklayer or a president, men value themselves through their sexual performance.” Anyway, this POIS thing is basically being allergic to your own semen. Which is just really awful.
Still! Even more awful would be being able to ejaculate but feel none of the pleasure of orgasm and then, on top of that, come down with a week’s worth of “feverishness, runny nose, extreme fatigue, and burning eyes,” due to being allergic to your own ejaculation, a/k/a having POIS. Which would pretty much mean that, wow, you are like the unluckiest person in the whole entire world. We’re sorry.