It’s not that we’re bitter, it’s just that, do engaged people have to appropriate everything for their marital purposes? It seems they’re always out trying to get a better deal, trying to save a little cash while also having the truly original, special (and cheap!) weddings they’ve dreamed of since that first bridal magazine arrived in their pretty little mailbox. And so, in the last year, we’ve learned that married people are getting hitched in everyday-people haunts like T.J. Maxx. Home Depot. Taco Bell, even. Shark tanks (pity the sharks, who had no choice in the matter!) Summer camps. And now, funeral homes. Is nothing sacred?
According to USA Today, this is a trend. According to recent bride Paulita Flores, 21, who got married in a funeral home,
“At first, when I pulled up and saw it was a funeral home, it did concern me,” she admitted. “But when we walked in and saw everything, it was overwhelming. I fell in love and thought it was the perfect place. It was breathtaking, so it (the funeral home aspect) didn’t cross my mind again.”
The rote response (assuming you’re not Paulita) is to be grossed out here. Ewwww, dead people! Right next door to a white wedding dress and that iPod DJ and a five-layer fondant icing cake! But we’re not grossed out. No, we’re concerned.
Yay for new business for funeral homes “keeping them alive.” Yay for a combination funeral home/wedding chapel, with hoped for add-ons of a Pizza Hut/Taco Bell. But…has anyone thought about the dead people?
Because, frankly, if you’re a blushing bride marrying the manly man of your dreams, and I’m lying in a coffin in the next room, maybe I’m not going to be so thrilled to hear “Poker Face” over and over through the wall. Maybe the tinkling sound of everyone hitting their wine glasses with spoons, all at the same time, to entice the beautiful couple to smooch, is not exactly what I’d hoped for in my eternal rest.
And, just like the Target shopper who’s broken up with her boyfriend and needs to pick up some tampons but accidentally stumbles upon your happy nuptials instead at a place deemed otherwise safe, maybe I’m not going to be so happy about it. Maybe I’m even going to be a little…angry.
Married people, you can get married almost anywhere, and you do. The world, and the tax refunds, are your oyster. How about you save a little something — the funeral parlors and discount department stores, the Taco Bells — for the rest of us? It’s only charitable, to make up for all of the times you gaze at us with wide eyes and tell us you want to live vicariously through us, to see what single life is like again, if only for a moment.
Married friends…I love you. But sometimes, particularly on the eve of your wedding, you can be a little hoggy about things. Just sayin’.
Save Money: Get Married In A Funeral Home [Consumerist]
Funeral homes find new life by hosting other events [USA Today]
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on January 19, 2011