Dogs wearing fur coats! How do we feel about this? Well, it’s complicated. On one hand, a dog has fur already. Isn’t wearing a coat unnecessary, perhaps even hampering the chance for the dog’s original fur to thrive and grow lush and shiny? Is it like when human hair is topped by a cheap Ricky’s wig for, say, Halloween — at the end of the night one comes out sticky, tousled, and very much in need of a good shampoo?
And, yet, we have seen dogs shiver! If dogs are cold, should they not be granted the same chance at warmth as any humans? But humans don’t have fur — we are hairless and naked underneath our expensively rendered clothing-suits! Or are we? What is that which we shave off daily, or possibly weekly, from various bodily regions in our efforts to remain attractive to the opposite sex?
What if two dogs tried to have sex wearing fur coats? What if they were wearing shoes? Are high-heeled shoes sexy to dogs?
Is a dog wearing a fur coat like a dog eating another dog? But fur coats are made of things that dogs might actually eat in the wild, like minks and rabbits and raccoons. Or “biodegradable synthetics”! There are no dog-fur coats, except perhaps in parts of China. But that’s not very PC of us. There are probably no dog-fur coats anywhere. Do dogs believe in animal rights?
How much is a fur coat for a dog, anyway? Would a dog really wear it all year round? Is it waterproof, too? Will it help with the dog’s plummeting self-esteem during these depressive January months? Can we get free shipping? ‘Cause, you know, that might make it worth it. How do the sizes run?
Do we have a dog? Oh.