News & Politics

America’s Workplace: Slightly Less Coked Up, Still Stressin’


According to recently released stats, the number of Americans doing coke at work has taken a downward turn, falling nearly 30 percent from the apparently high-flying recession years of 2008 and 2009 to about “.29% of the population,” reports Fortune. However, twice as many of us are now using heroin (that still makes up only .04 percent of us total — have you ever seen anyone try to work on heroin?). Meanwhile, “the use of prescription painkillers on the job is soaring” — this is particularly true for drugs like Vicodin and Oxycontin. And a full 20.3 million of us were classified as having “substance abuse disorders” in 2008, of which 15.8 million ostensibly held down jobs.

So, why are we coming to work on drugs? Stress. Of course.

“Stress in the workplace, which can play a role in increased substance use, has amplified in recent years due to job insecurity and a trend toward working longer hours,” says a report from the federal Substance Abuse and Mental Heath Services Administration.

Or, in a nutshell, we’re stressed in the workplace because we’re afraid we’ll lose our jobs, which results in us working so many hours that we actually hope we lose our jobs, and then are forced to pop pills, or snort whatever happens to be nearby, to dull the pain of so many hours spent working trying to keep working so many hours. Modern life: What a gas.

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