News & Politics

Fake Cocaine Is The Worst Drug Ever


Eighteen Long Islanders were busted for selling cocaine this week. Nothing strange about this typical drug bust, except that they were also arrested for selling fake cocaine. The New York Post reports that “the group had in its possession 26 ounces of fake cocaine, made up of a combination of crushed sheetrock and baking soda.” Drug dealers who have to be much dumber than the bootleggers were actually buying the stuff and selling it to other people.

The combination of sheetrock and baking soda probably looks exactly like cocaine, a ground up white powder. But what about other drugs? Here are some home-cooked recipes for fake drugs for your use on a home movie set or in deal with the dumbest dealer on the block.

  • Crystal Meth– It looks like crunched up white shards so let’s start using that never-disappearing ice on the street for something good.
  • Poppers– Fart in a little jar — this one’s eco-friendly!
  • Ecstasy (or any pills really!) – Dip generic ibuprofen into food coloring and then stamp them with marker for fun shapes. Also a good kids’ craft!
  • LSD– The cooling effect that Listerine strips offer could trick some old hippies into having a flashback. Foolproof.
  • Weed– The ol’ standby: basil from your home garden, of course! Make Martha Stewart proud and get your freshest picks.

You too can be getting arrested like an idiot in no time!

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