Theater archives

What’s Michael Jackson Up To Lately?


Not much, actually.

But according to renowned shyster, I mean spiritualist Sylvia Browne‘s latest piece of literature, he’s in a much better place than Neverland.

The aptly named Browne channeled her longtime spiritual guide Francine–I’m not making this up (SHE is)–and came up with this heartwarming update about Jacko’s corpse:

“We’ve never seen a spirit more ecstatic to be Home than Michael was when he arrived.

“He was met by a tall, ample woman with a sweet round face, but she had to wait to greet him because of the enormous crowd of his beloved animals of all kinds who were there to welcome him.

“Immediately after this ecstatic reunion, Michael did something that’s very rare here–he ignored the Scanning Machine and Orientation most re-arrivals find helpful in their transition and instead gave a thrilling series of sixteen concerts.”

Great! Maybe they can make another documentary out of that!

By the way, Michael is more emphatic than ever that he never diddled a child, yadada ya.

Oh, and his visage now happens to be the way he was at 30, before all the surgeries.

That’s the only way they can tell it’s not LaToya up there.