News & Politics

Happy Birthday, Mayor Bloomberg!


Everybody knows that today is Valentine’s Day. But did you know that it’s also Mayor Bloomberg’s birthday? Today he is 69 (Hey you, in the back of the class, what’s so funny?). We contacted his press office to find out what ‘ol Mikey will be doing, but they never got back to us. Don’t worry, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to guess how he might be celebrating:

  • Flying to Bermuda. We all know he loves doing that (although there isn’t a crippling snow storm on the horizon, so he’s probably staying put).
  • Getting drunk! According to his website, Mayor Bloomberg cut the ribbon at Brooklyn Brewery’s new brewhouse in Williamsburg today. We can only assume he drank 16 lagers afterwards and rode his fixed-gear bike down Wythe Ave., shouting at passersby about Arcade Fire’s Grammy win.
  • Seeing laugh-out-loud romantic comedy No Strings Attached with his companion, Diana Taylor. A.O. Scott glows, it “is not entirely terrible.” Fandango those tickets early, Mr. Mayor!
  • Buying a bouquet of bodega flowers, drinking a 40, and pissing off a pedestrian walkway onto the FDR. That’s what we’ll be doing!

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