Justin Bieber Dies On TV, Millions Of Girls’ Hearts Break


Oh dear. Here we have Justin Bieber, shot and killed in a police face-off, ending his multi-episode CSI run as Jason McCann and sending waves of fear and anger through his devoted fandom. During last night’s episode, Justin’s troubled character was caught setting a bomb by Detective Stokes and his team. It seemed like he was ready to surrender, but at the last moment he pulled out a gun and fired the first shot. Obviously the scene didn’t end well. Millions of teenage girls slumped off to bed to dream away the suggestion of mortality in their pop-god:

Lucky for them, this particular nightmare was just another procedural-drama death and the real Justin Bieber is just fine. It’s probably a healthy test-run, though, because one day it will be true! Probably symbolically before literally, and almost definitely not in a police shoot-off, but gone nonetheless. And so we hope that as fans watched Justin fall to the ground, they were able to imagine a future when his twitter stream is quiet and they can be free. Sometimes we dread the very thing we need the most.


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