News & Politics

There Are Many Reasons You Should Never Eat a Man’s Last Hot Pocket. This Is One.


This happened. A 16-year-old girl dating a 29-year-old Staten Island man with a 3-year-old daughter was allegedly pissed because he allegedly hit her because she allegedly ate his last Hot Pocket. The New York Post reports that the girl, Aliyah Austin, made off with his 3-year-old, and then proceeded to harass the boyfriend by text and Facebook messages, including the ominous made-for-TV missive, “If you want your baby back, meet me at the rock.”

Missed Connections-goers, be forewarned: The two had met on the subway earlier that week. Hot Pocket-eaters be forewarned: Hot Pockets are not that good. Boyfriend be forewarned: You may want to look into getting a new girlfriend. Kidnappers be forewarned: Austin, who’s been caught by the cops and charged with ” kidnapping and acting in a manner injurious to a child,” is now being held with a bail of $25,000, which could buy a hell of a lot of delicious Hot Pockets. The kid, fortunately, was unharmed, but boy, people are messed up.

The type of Hot Pocket remains unknown, but we hope it was the pepperoni kind.

‘Kidnap’ snack in the face [NYP]


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