How to Survive as a Person Who Works, Who May or May Not Be Dating Anyone


Budget-friendly Brooklyn blog Brokelyn has a post up today called “How to survive as a SAHG (stay-at-home-girlfriend).” Our SAHG begins, confessionally, abhorrently, “I am a stay-at-home girlfriend. When my boyfriend goes off to work, I spend my days cooking, cleaning our two-bedroom Greenpoint apartment, and trying to look good for him when he comes home. I never planned on this lifestyle; my corporate job of four years was outsourced in October when we were already living together.” And now, SAHG’s primary priority is taking care of her man (after job searching, of course). How…nice.

As you can imagine, the post is getting all sorts of reactions, not least because the concept of a stay-at-home-girlfriend sounds regressive at best, “kept” at worst. Beyond that, is survival the paramount of worries in this situation? What has a SAHG to fear but her French maid outfit catching fire from the apple pie she is making for her beloved to enjoy when he finally returns from slaving away in the trenches and winning all that bread?

But, yes, this must be a worry for some, even if we don’t know them personally. Our writer says it is! So, how do you survive as a stay-at-home-girlfriend, after you’ve read your significant other’s secret shoebox stash of letters and porn? Lots of cable? Afternoon-tinis?

Ah, there’s more to it than that! Among the writer’s suggestions (she says that all of the SAHGs she knows “adhere to stereotypically Stepfordish rules to keep our relationships afloat and ourselves sane”): Get up when your boyfriend does, whether that’s 6 a.m. or not; make him breakfast; clean the apartment daily; make or order dinner every night; look good on a budget (see: grooming); wear “hot, inexpensive” outfits like tank tops and cutoff shorts; “pamper him”; have sex whenever he wants; and go out yourself at least once a day. Which all sounds very, uh, reasonable if you don’t have a job to go to. And, uh, enough to inspire you to get a job, STAT.

Since we’ve never met an actual SAHG, we have a few of our own suggestions for surviving as a person who works (PWW), whether you’re dating anyone or not. We know a lot of PsWW.

  • Make your bed daily. Scientifically, this is supposed to make you happier; practically, the comforter will cover up the fact that you have no sheets because you haven’t had time to pick them up from the laundromat because you’ve been working 12 hours a day.
  • Practice makes perfect with Seamless Web. Order frequently, and challenge yourself by branching out! Variety is a spice, or so they say, so order plenty with Indian food. Meanwhile, cleaning the oven is hard. Wait till you have a stay-at-home-girl/boyfriend to handle that.
  • Make sure to get out of the office at least once daily, to do something for yourself, like breathe a few gulps fresh air and maybe let a hint of sun light upon your sallow cheeks while you smoke a cigarette. Or invest in a sun lamp!
  • Wear whatever you feel like, whether your “boyfriend” likes it or not, based on your apartment’s internal heating mechanism and how much of a stickler your boss is.
  • Have sex if and when you want to, responsibly, of course.
  • Clean your apartment when it starts to sound like that mouse has taken up residence behind the refrigerator again, or if your parents are going to be in town.
  • Get up 45 minutes — max, one hour — before you need to be anywhere. Any more time and you’re just dilly-dallying. Plus, a good night’s sleep will do wonders for those under-eye circles!
  • If you find yourself without a job, don’t move in with someone who expects you to cook and clean for him. Instead, go out drinking with your friends, who will surely buy a couple rounds because they feel sorry for you. Then go home, order pizza, eat a slice, and stumble off to your bed where you pass out face-down, leaving the rest out on the counter all night, just because you can.
  • Listen to this girl. She makes some good points.

Oh, and if you must date a blogger, read this.

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