I Just Figured Out Why I’m Alone!


I was rereading I Am Not Ashamed, the memoir of unhappy 1950s screen starlet Barbara Payton, and the diagnosis Payton’s shrink gave her rang so many bells I practically went deaf.

As the therapist told Payton at the peak of her stardom:

“You want a man who doesn’t exist:

“A strong man, yet one you can handle.

“A handsome one, yet one who is of no interest to other people.

“A rich one, yet one who will live as a beachcomber with you.

“A talented one, but one who won’t steal any of your glory.

“A cheerful one, but one who will fit into your many-faceted moods.”

That’s the same man I want! In fact, it’s the one we all want!

And if a hot young blond starlet with lovely bazoombas couldn’t get him, I imagine it’s gonna be even harder for the rest of us.

But I’ll wait. I’ll just sit here, knitting.