Kim Kardashian Ruins A The-Dream Song: Behold the Sad Spectacle of “Jam (Turn It Up)”


We had hopes for this song. We had such fucking hopes for this song. We had so many hopes and dreams for this song we wrote a whole musical about it. And instead it’s come to this: a club trifle that in the hands of its creator, pop savant The-Dream, would probably look something a lot like a hit, or at least a charming bit of theme music, and in the mouth of its singer, Kim Kardashian, is nothing short of a disaster, a charmlessly robotic and atonal slog through a song that only requires the bare minimum of commitment and belief–commitment Kardashian inexplicably can’t even begin to muster. (The last person to sound this bad on one of this guy’s songs was Mariah Carey, and we’re pretty sure that was his fault, not hers.) And to think we spent hours scrutinizing what we took to be the fireplace in this photo:

That fireplace was supposed to produce magic and rainbows! And instead we get this. Find me the person who likes this song and I will show you someone who has no understanding of why things are good in life at all.

New Single: Kim Kardashian – Jam (Turn It Up) [iLeaks]