It’s not that we want to take all the joy out of your life, really it’s not! It’s just that freedom from Charlie Sheen will be better for all of us, him included. And, really, the world (and Twitter) is chock-full of other people saying funny, even hilarious), informative, not abusive-to-women, and far less repetitive and lame things than you-know-who. In preparation for Worldwide Global Unfollow Charlie Sheen on Twitter Day (this Friday!), the Runnin’ Scared team has collected our favorite alternatives to He Who Must Not Be Named. Servicey! In no particular order…
14. @FabioViviani. He is a bitchin’ rockstar former Top Chef All-Star, and he says things like this.
13. Both @_RosieGray and @JoeCoscarelli love @MarthaStewart, Joe “for the accidental pocket tweets and TwitPics” and Rosie because “She’s always tweeting pictures of her fabulous meals in fabulous places.” Like half-time shows!
11. @Listen_Up_Lady gives THE best advice.
10.@MrEddieHuang. We just want to put the tweets of Eddie Huang, chef and owner of BaoHaus, in a bun and snack on ’em.
8.@RL_Stine, because you read his Goosebumps series as a kid and he is still writing them. Also, he tweets real-life horror stories.
7. @EMMAGKELLER, wife of New York Times executive editor Bill Keller, “because there isn’t a better proxy for your mother on the Internet, nor a more supportive spouse,” says Coscarelli.
6. @PartyPooped is another Coscarelli fave. She “makes Twitter art, has funnier jokes than you,” he says. And no, he doesn’t mean me.
5. Sometimes the best Tweeters are the really bad ones. Like @Rosie (O’Donnell). It’s like Tweetenfreude.
4. @AskDrRuth. Because.
3. You want coke talk? You can have coke talk. Follow @CokeTweet. More funny, still druggy.
2. @BorowitzReport. Always tweeting, almost always spot-on.
Not enough for you? Need more Sheen-substitute? Check the Awl’s list too. We approve.