Happy International Women’s Day! Count your blessings that we have advanced to a stage in which women who hope to lose weight can now pay money to inject themselves with a pregnancy hormone and subsist on 500 calories a day (the average person eats from 1,800 to 3,000), because that is sane and good and progress. The New York Times covers this amazing new weight-loss opportunity.
Ms. Brown, 35, is not taking hCG to help her bear a child. She believes that by combining the hormone injections with a 500-calorie-a-day diet, she will achieve a kind of weight-loss nirvana: losing fat in all the right places without feeling tired or hungry. “I had a friend who did it before her wedding,” Ms. Brown said. “She looks great.”
Wedding! Did you say wedding? Wedding!
For the pleasure of injecting herself and eating far less than a human should, Brown gets to pay “upward of $1,000 a month for a consultation, a supply of the hormone and the syringes needed to deliver it.” Adding to the joys of this little diet-venture? The hormone is made from the pee of pregnant women. Whee. And there’s very little evidence that it actually does what it’s prescribed to.
The F.D.A. has also reiterated a warning, first issued in the mid-1970s, that is required on hCG packaging: It has not been shown to increase weight loss, to cause a more “attractive” distribution of fat or to “decrease hunger and discomfort” from low-calorie diets.
Further, there’s risk of blood clots, depression, headaches, and other side effects. But it might work! Doctors say that the injection “tricks your body into a state of pregnancy,” burning off fat so the “fetus” gets enough calories. Doesn’t that sound fun?
Are we this fucked up? Please, everyone — ladies, we’re talking to you, because there’s no way men are doing this — go eat a nice sandwich for lunch. Eat two. You’ll thank us later.