Ashthon Jones got sent home from American Idol tonight. I am perfectly OK with this! She was not very good on this show! In her final performance, she once again bleated her way through a Diana Ross song that she just shouldn’t be singing.
Of course, the show still needed a full hour to give us this tiny little shred of information. So we got a montage about the mansion where they’re all living, another montage about how they all went to see Red Riding Hood, one of those goofy Ford commercials, performances from Adam Lambert and Diddy-Dirty Money, and of course, the whole usual rigmarole where Ryan Seacrest draws out the results as long as he possibly can. But that whole deluge of bullshit did manage to teach me a few things:
— Casey Abrams wasn’t on the show because he was hospitalized with some unknown ailment. That guy keeps getting sick! This is not good! He’s one of my two or three favorites on the show and picking up steam, so I’d hate to see some kind of flesh-eating bacteria hold him back.
— When he’s walking around the American Idol mansion, Scotty McCreery wears his hat upside-down and backward, which is not a look I’ve seen anyone attempt since the jock kids in my high school got sick of it. Carry the fire, McCreery!
— Ford sponsored the pool table at the Idol mansion. There’s a gigantic Ford logo right in felt. You’d think that would fuck up shot alignment.
— At the Red Riding Hood premiere, Lauren Alaina gets star-struck over Shiloh Fernandez. She is the only person on the face of the earth who even knows who Shiloh Fernandez is. Possible exception: Shiloh Fernandez’s mom.
— All the Idol contestants had a great time going to the Red Riding Hood premiere. Holy shit, I guess I better see that movie!
— Adam Lambert has a guy in his backing band who looks like he got kicked out of AFI four years ago and still hasn’t gotten over it.
— Acoustic performances are not a good look for Adam Lambert.
— The message of Adam Lambert’s song “Aftermath” is the most important thing about it, according to Adam Lambert. I have no idea what the message of Adam Lambert’s song “Aftermath” is.
— Adam Lambert does not know how to Dougie.
— Skylar Grey is suddenly on every single rap song. I’d really like to take hip-hop back to the time before Skylar Grey was on every single rap song.
— Even Diddy can’t really make priest collars work.
— For reasons totally unrelated to the priest collar, Diddy looks a lot like Kirk Franklin tonight.
— “Coming Home” may be a genuinely emotive song, but it’s always going to sound goofy when Diddy does live it on TV. His last Idol appearance, where he commanded the audience watching at home to get up and dance and probably triggered a few epileptic seizures with his strobe-light abuse, was way better.
— David Cook’s version of Simple Minds’ “Don’t You Forget About Me,” which apparently is the going-home song this season, is ass.