Staten Island Teen Dealer Can’t Outrun a Horse or Legally Sell Weed Out of a Mayo Jar


A Staten Island teenager was given a summons for carrying a mayonnaise jar filled with weed. We didn’t realize that “Hellmann’s Medical Strength” had come out yet, but it sounds great. The teen was meeting with a group of kids his age in a shady part of Miller Field on Staten Island and the cops noticed. Everyone scrambled when they saw the two officers approaching on horseback, but the dealer decided to bolt. Running away from the cops is never a good idea — especially if they’re on horseback. Police Lt. Bryan Waite told the Staten Island Advance, “He tried to run. You’re not going to outrun a horse.”

For teen drug dealers everywhere, here’s a list of things that they should try not to outrun:

  • Horses
  • Cars
  • Cops
  • Taxis
  • Other average humans
  • Ford Model Ts
  • Usain Bolt
  • Planes
  • Trains
  • Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (it flies!)
  • Any automobile, really
  • A jar of mayo filled with weed rolling down a hill

Hope that helps!