March Madness Day 4: More Excitement Than Hollywood Smash-Hit Limitless!


Yesterday was fun, huh? The afternoon games produced four gems that will be cherished by their school’s old, lonely alumni while on their deathbeds. First, Matt Howard helped Butler, last year’s runners-up, beat Old Dominion (which we think is a decommissioned vessel from the War of 1812) 60-58 on a last-second tip-in.

Next, 13 seed Morehead State’s Demonte Harper drained a three with time running down to beat the heavily favored Cardinals. In case you didn’t know, Louisville head coach Rick Pitino was involved in a very messy extortion case that has been fodder for lots of “Morehead” jokes. Check out some details so you can join in on the fun. They’re easy to make!

Temple’s Juan Fernandez sank an off-balance shot to send Penn State back to where they came from, the flaming pits of hell. Sorry, that should have read “Pennsylvania.” This is surely karmic retribution for Penn State’s 36-33 victory over Wisconsin in the Big Ten tournament. That pile of human feces disguised as a game, a contest which set sports back 50 years, was the reason Penn State made it into March Madness. Wisconsin won yesterday, so it is assumed that their cosmic payback will come in the form of all their players developing gout.

Powerhouse Kentucky had a close one with Princeton. No one believed in the spunky Ivy Leaguers, but if there’s one thing a Princeton boy knows, it’s how to overcome adversity. After Brandon Knight hit a go-ahead layup for the Wildcats, Princeton charged back with just seconds remaining to hit the game winner and send their much-deserving fans into a frenzy:

Sorry, that was from Hoosiers. Princeton lost like the stupid losers they are.

Here’s the TV lineup for all of today’s games! As always, you can catch the action on as well:

12:15PM (13) Oakland – (4) Texas CBS
12:40PM (9) Tennessee – (8) Michigan Tru TV
1:40PM (15) Akron – (2) Notre Dame TBS
2:10PM (9) Villanova – (8) George Mason TNT
2:45PM (12) Memphis – (5) Arizona CBS
3:10PM (16) Hampton – (1) Duke Tru TV
4:10PM (10) Florida St. – (7) Texas A&M TBS
4:40PM (16) UTSA- (1) Ohio St. TNT
6:50PM (16) Boston U. – (1) Kansas TBS
7:15PM (15) Long Island – (2) UNC CBS
7:20PM (14) St. Peter’s – (3) Purdue TNT
7:27PM (11) Marquette – (6) Xavier Tru TV
9:20PM (9) Illinois – (8) UNLV TBS
9:45PM (10) Georgia – (7) Washington CBS
9:50PM (11) VCU – (6) GTOWN TNT
9:57PM (14) Indiana St. – (3) Syracuse Tru TV