Harry Abrams, a 76-year-old New York man, robbed his 98-year-old father-figure friend Emanuel Baetich of $330,000 in certificates of deposit while Baetich was in the hospital for a broken hip. (This is already a good story.) Via to the New York Post, Abrams had been giving Baetich free office space, where he practiced law “from his wheelchair.” Abrams used the stolen money for innocuous things men approaching their 80s need, like “clothes, groceries and a vacation in Puerto Rico,” but was eventually found out, pleaded guilty to all charges and paid back $388,063. All of which, his age especially, adds up to Abrams receiving the extremely lenient sentence of weekends in jail for one year. Vacation!
The punishment was contingent on agreement from the victim, who’s pushing 100-years-old and could likely care less. He probably just wants his buddy back. He said he didn’t want to take his “friend” to trial, so instead, he set him up with a weekend house of sorts.
In our imagination, the prison guards will be very nice to Abrams. He will complain about the car ride over and maybe the food. He will tell good stories with other inmates at his knee. He will whittle a whistle from a block of wood. Gus Van Sant will write the screenplay and direct the film, which will be selected for film festivals in Sundance, Toronto and New York. We all die in the end.