Four Loko is back on bodega shelves in a caffeine-free and thus theoretically safer incarnation. But authorities still see fit to freak out about it. Eighteen Bronx bodegas were caught selling the new Four Loko to an underage undercover auxiliary cop. And in Albany, lawmakers are introducing a bill that would require the dread beverage to only be sold in liquor stores. Wait, why are we still talking about Four Loko again?
State Senator Jeff Klein wants the drink to be sold exclusively in liquor stores because it’s so sweet and colorful and cheap that kids will buy it if it’s in bodegas. I have news for you, Senator Klein! Kids will buy it no matter what. Teenagers will find a way to get their hands on alcohol no matter where it’s sold/what it is.
That said, Four Loko is a terrible substance and really quite disgusting. And it can maybe damage your heart. But there are myriad other things to crusade against; the endless war on Four Loko is frankly kind of bizarre! And I thought our new scourge was bath salts.