Joy Behar and I Discussed Chris Brown and Charlie Sheen on Her Show


And it was a riot.

I can’t find a link, so I’ll have to just relate the dizzying highlights to you.

About Chris Brown‘s disastrous GMA interview, I said:

“Well, I can understand getting mad when an interview doesn’t go the way you expected. I mean, I thought we were going to talk about my book, but here we are talking about Chris Brown!”

Still, I didn’t get violent.

As for Chris’s “accidentally” tweeted nude shot of himself.

“That’s the only penis I haven’t seen!

“But I have seen Madonna‘s balls and they’re quite formidable.”

Talk moved on to who should replace Charlie Sheen on his illustrious sitcom.

I said Emilio Estevez “because he looks like Charlie, he talks like Charlie, and he’s coherent!”

I discounted papa Martin Sheen because that would be too much like when Joan Crawford took over Christina’s soap opera role. Joy totally got the reference.

When someone else on the panel compared Charlie’s “torpedo” tour to John Wayne Bobbit‘s standup tour — sans flesh torpedo, I guess — I interjected, “His penis was the opening act. It was amazing.”

Joy said it’s funny that the whole Bobbit thing didn’t inspire any copycats. “Yes, it did,” I insisted. “Ivana Trump. But it didn’t make the news because it wasn’t that big of a deal.”

Oh, you should have been there.