Data Entry Services
We’ve been watching the Bronx Zoo’s press conference concerning the capture of the Egyptian cobra that has been missing for the past week. Below are minute-by-minute updates of this monumental media event.
3:58: No snake yet. Snake’s lawyer refuses to answer questions about her whereabouts. Just kidding, the snake’s lawyer hasn’t arrived, either.
4:02: AV crew appears to be setting up a PowerPoint. Crowd is buzzing about potential cobra PowerPoint. What transitions will they use?
4:03: They are giving the press 60 seconds to quiet down. Press immediately goes quiet as if to say, “We are not children.” They are at a snake press conference.
4:05: Jim Breheny, director of the Bronx Zoo, takes to the podium. He has no visible snake bites. We repeat, no visible snake bites.
4:06: Jim Breheny: “The cobra has been recovered inside the reptile house. She is alive and well…Key strategy was patience. Make her feel secure and and safe…[She was in a] non-public area…We are observing her…When we’re sure that she is in good condition and healthy we will return her to the reptile house on exhibit.”
4:07: Feed goes out. It is assumed the snake has eaten through the wires.
4:08: Feed is back. “She is in a different enclosure where the rest of the venomous snakes are.” Great, now she can tell them all how to escape.
4:09: Breheny says that officials used wood shavings with the scent of rodents to help lure her out.
4:10: A reporter asks what zoo officials “thought about the snake’s spoof Twitter account.” Where the hell did she go to journalism school? It’s the snake’s allegedly spoof Twitter account.
4:11: Someone asks about what danger the snake’s venom posed. Wait a second, we’re not done talking about the Twitter account.
4:12: Breheny says he saw the snake today and that she looks to be in “fine condition.”
4:13: “She does not have an official name…maybe we’ll do a naming contest later.” WE WANT TO NAME HER NOW, MR. BREHENY! PLEASE!
4:14: They show a photo of the snake on the large projection screen hanging above Jim Breheny. She looks fat.
4:15: Someone asks how big she is, and Jim Breheny holds his fingers aloft to display the snake’s length. No one giggles.
4:16: Breheny says that at the time of the escape, she wasn’t in an exhibit. She was in an off-exhibit holding cage.
4:17: The press conference ends. Reporters disperse to go see the lemurs. They will be disappointed as lemurs are nocturnal.