The Creepiest Email Request I’ve Ever Gotten


No, it’s not as hateful as the “I hope you get raped in the ass with a knife and get AIDS” one that I ran here recently. That was a classic.

But it’s almost as clueless.

It’s from someone purporting to be a fan, asking me for help in finding him a love match.

And here are the credentials he’s looking for:

“Do you know of any single, not Jewish (or actively Jewish), beautiful, not pierced weirdly, not tattooed, not too crazy, women in New York that might want to meet a single, smart, funny, literate doctor, without the baggage — just hasn’t found the right woman yet?”

OK, the woman can’t be Jewish???? Or she can be, as long as she’s not active about it?

Who is this, Mel Gibson? Galliano? Why would I help in such an antisemitic love quest?

And is there any wonder why this guy hasn’t met the right woman yet?

But wait, the cluelessness gets better.

Continues the man, “I mean, you have several things on your side that make women gravitate to you (you’re a Village Voice regular columnist! How cool is that??).”

Huh? Does this dude actually think I’m straight???

“Smart and literate”? I’m not so sure!

I’m thinking of writing back, “Sorry, I’m actively Jewish, so you’d better ask someone else.”