Film

Charlie Sheen in Five Years

by

Look into your crystal meth balls.

Where will the too-whack-for-prime-time wildman be?

I’ve narrowed it down to a handful of choices, some less unsavory than others:

*An AA sponsor?

*A door-to-door tiger’s blood salesman?

*Still touring, but in increasingly smaller venues? Next stop, Chipotle?

*More popular than ever with hookers because he really won’t be getting it up?

*The new host of Celebrity Apprentice en route to the White House?

*Jon Cryer‘s road manager?